| Why does life have to be so confusingand so tiring and so hard. Why can't everything just be given to you. Why do you have to work and become stressed out so much just to succeed. I don't want to try anymore. I just want to forget all about my obligations and relax for a very long time. I hate life and I jusst want to have fun. I guess everyone does and I know you have to work hard to succeed in life, but some people really have it easy and they don't realize it. People who get everything paid for, everything given to them no question about it. I dont have very much given to me. I have divorced parents and my dad will refuse to pay... well not refuse, but he really argues about paying for anything this year to help my mom out on my senior expenses( because there are alot of extra expenses that come with being a senior). Its my senior year. Why can't he just help out a little? My mom pays for everything.I can't help her out because I don't have any more money or a job. And I can't get a job because I don't have any spare time with the play, and everything else going on. My dad doesn't make any sense when it comes to money. He says to me and my sister that he can't afford to help pay for certain things yet he can he can afford to buy all the things that he wants for himself. For instance: He has a nice house (paid off), a boat, 2 trucks, a car, a motor cycle ( all which are paid off), he is getting lasic surgery on his eyes (which costs several thousand $), he owns his own business as well as work for the Air National Guard, and his wife now makes a considerable amount of money working for the Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance company. So why cant he afford to give me and my sister some of the extra things that we want. He does help me out a little when I need some money but its just a pay advance for when I am going to work for him not really money that he is gonna give me to help me out. They have no kids living with them so they dont have to worry about those expenses. Yet he still thinks I need to pay for everything myself. I can understand that he wants me to learn responsibility, but do I have to learn that right now when I dont have money, a job, or any way for me to recieve income. He is aking me to pay for my car, all the repairs, the maintenance, insurance, etc... And with me not being able to pay for all that, my mom steps in and pays for everything. I love her soooooooo much. I am sorry if you can't make any sense of what I am saying but I am really stressed out right now with school, college, home - situations, and life. I wish all my struggles would just go away. I really needed to get all that out and it felt good to write it all down. Something else that has been on my mind is me and this person have been getting close lately and I feel that we are really close now. But I dont feel like she is comfortable talking to me yet. I just don't feel like she is comfortable telling me everything. Don't get me wrong, she has told me many things. Including secrets and things that she wouldn't tell others. But there is just something that tells me she isnt comfortable telling me everything. I dont know, maybe she is and I dont realize. Maybe I am the one who isnt telling her everything. Maybe she is trying to tell me and I am just never there for her. I hope that in reading this, The person to which I am writing this too (and she knows who she is) will understand that I really, truly, deeply care about her and just have a problem expressing it. If I have everything wrong please let me know. OK? Well I guess I should end this on a good note now that I am feeling a little better. So I would like to tell Megan that she means the world to me and that she is the only good thing that has happened in my life for a long time. I woould like to thank her for everything she has done for me and for being there for me in time of need. I really don't deserve her and am lucky to have her and I dont care who knows. I truly love you Megan and I hope you can put up with me and all the problems I have. I hope everyone has a good day, week, month, year, and life. Comment me if you have any good advice or words of encouragement. Sorry that this is so long. I will stop writing now. No really I will stop writing. O.K. BYE
|
